Responsibilities Overriding

by Jonathan R Baldock

At this time and throughout all these last several years I know for a fact that I am supposed to be somewhere else. Or at least that is what my Heart and Soul tells me as being the fact of the matter. The sometimes overwhelming stress feeling and anxiety of being where I am is not normal, or natural, nor should it be.
“What are you telling me God? Why can’t I hear you clearly? Or can I?”  John 10 v27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
Perhaps the sense of being somewhere I am pretty sure I shouldn’t be is God telling me He has other plans for me and I need to step out in faith. Take a leap of faith into what perhaps God wants me to be doing.

I can’t just up and quit my Job now or ever, or at least not until I win the Lottery, large inheritance from some long lost relative, or all of the above. It all just feels so wrong right now and has been this way, that killer dark foreboding heart-sunk gut feeling in me like I’ll have no fulfillment or purpose if I stay here much longer.
Can’t go any longer, is this my reality, what am I supposed to do? What is God telling me to do, am I even listening to Him or perhaps this is all a part of the test of life that I need to go though. Finish the pointless rat-race of life; strive to achieve goals, results, expectations, material wealth, the latest stuff, biggest homes and all the other miscellaneous. Then you die, what was it all for? Nothing!

Or simply God has already told me clearly what He wants me to do and I am not doing it out of fear of repeating a past situation, take the leap of faith. But what faith, I say I trust God, but do I? Would I be willing to walk away from this well paying job into nothing, trusting in God that He has plans already set in motion for my life, based on the preordained Gifts and Spiritual Gifts He has blessed me with. The same Gifts and Spiritual Gifts I am not using to further His Kingdom and give Him Glory and Praise as I should. As is what we are all called to as Christians to do with whatever He gives us.

God given Artistic talents and Creative Abilities, is what it is. It’s more of a Hobby that I mostly keep to myself, although those around me know if it, but I have hardly and if it would even count how often I have, haven’t used it as much as I could and should for Gods purpose.

What hits home the hardest is the fact that I am practicing as a career something that is completely off from my God given talents and Creative abilities, it drains me mentally, emotionally and physically each and every day.

Mostly when I get home from work, I just go on to the Internet and waste away the last remaining hours before I go to sleep, only to repeat the Robot existence process all over again the following day. Any thought during the day while at work of doing something productive to forward my passion for Art and Creativity in a life path more befitting of my Passions, it for the most part Eighty Percent of the time fades away only to be replaced by useless time doing useless activities that are only useful to uselessness!

Eat, Sleep, Work... Like a Perpetual Motion Device going and going, never really getting anywhere, just repeating the last day over and over, so I can continue into the following week only to repeat the same process over and over.

Pays well, keeps the Bills more or less paid, but aside from the money, it’s all pointless. Probably 90% of us could say that we are only doing our Jobs for the money, no other reason. Can our lives really be just about our Jobs, or Career, making money, pay the bills, pay the tax man?

But not to forget out responsibility and Gods Commandment of all Husbands and Fathers alike the world over. To be the family provider, which is as it is, of a key importance in my quest to understand and in search of ‘The Passionate Artist’ the Artist within created by God to give Blessing and Glory to God and to grow His Kingdom.

So keeping mindful of my responsibility, be a Provider as a Husband and Father and at the same time follow what I feel is the tugging on my Heart to pursue, utilize, and forward the purpose that I am here for on this Earth. 1 Timothy 5 v8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Don’t misunderstand me, we all, each and every one of us has our responsibilities and responsibilities for another and or others so those obligations should and must be met.  I cannot simply walk away from my Job, can i? Would doing that be a demonstration of an Act of Faith in God and His purpose for my life, there are certain aspects of my Job of which I know as a Christian shouldn’t be done, also knowing god would not and probably does not approve of.

So I feel stuck, be the provider as God commands us through a Job that has aspects that go against His principles. Or just quit and put myself in a situation were I loose the tool needed to be a Provider. I ask God, tell God, pray to God for Him to open a door for me into another.

God, Family, Work. In that order. “So hosz work?” not “So how is your family doing? How are your Wife and Daughter?” A very concerning issue, that of the seven years that I have been attending my current Church, my Wife, Daughter and I. As far as I can recall, no one has ever asked me about my family, how they are doing and rarely, how am I doing.

Priorities gone out the window?! Isn’t it supposed to be God, Family then Work, not Work, God, Family or Work, Family, God? I have had this struggle for many year, or all my life to be truthfully honest, time to reprioritize my life into what God has in mind. God, then Family, and then Work, in that order. I’ve been hitting myself over the head, stressing myself out, complaining about life and work.

God’s priorities. As a follower of Jesus we need to follow what the Bible commands of us through the undisputed confirmed Word of God. I think this makes sense as He is our Father in Heaven and as Children, children need to listen to their parents. God has our best interests in mind, He wants to Bless us and make us prosper, not bring us harm or hurt. The harm and hurt come about through our own actions, wanting to do things our own way in the ways of the world of worldly pursuits.

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